Reeeemiiiixxxxxxxx!

Today while I was watching "So you think you can DANCE?" I was havin a good time. A wonderful christmas time without the christmas. And I was watching these dancers and envying their thighs and back muscles (yeah i don know). Then Sean Paul comes out to do some jama jammin and his dancers are hysterical. I tried to take them seriously. But they were dancing like robots. And then I thought, lets take this a step further. If they were robots, what kind of robots would they be? Human robots? SURELY NOT.

Chicken robots.

So I started picturing them in chicken suits doing the same moves and found myself forgetting how to breathe because I was laughing too hard to remember. And then I seemed to forget how to sit as well for I fell onto the floor. Before I knew it I was flipping the channel giving everything a new chicken suit remix. I have decided one thing. EVERYTHING is hilarious if it is dressed in a chicken suit. And yes, I am taking this theory so far that I am willing to apply it to inanimate objects as well.



So when you come to my blog.. dont think i need to be doin all the work bein the goof ball here. Slap a chicken suit on this bad boy. instant funny.

New Adeventure

I have decided to embark upon the wonderful world of being an entrepreneur. A businesswoman. I have decided that maybe I should try to make money from all the random things I make all day long. I found a quaint little site dedicated to buying and selling handmade products in an attempt to create a world wide movement. Well. I certainly hope if I were to be part of a movement it would be this one. Yes I like the sound of that. Changing the world, one tailored garment, one painted picture frame, one constructed bracelet at a time.



Here's hoping this isn't just one of those things I get really excited about in the beginning stages and swear by the success it will bring me (cough blogging cough). Okay so blogging wasn't unsuccessful. I just ignore it for long periods of time. I think my problem must be that I am far too unwilling to bear my soul to the internet. I enjoy reading the blogs of those who do.. but in the past when I have tried this it has brought a feeling similar to standing naked on a four lane highway. And god. We can't be funny all the time can we? (Maybe we can.)

Just a reminder of who's in charge

So I am sitting in my favorite computer lab. It's 7 AM, and I am racing to finish a paper that is due at 8AM. I am alone. It's silent. It's beautiful. I am one who enjoys some good silence to accompany me with paper writing. I can actually hear myself think. And then in comes boomingly loud girl with moderately loud boy. "HEY DID YOU FINISH IT YET I DIDN'T AND THE WHOLE ROOM SHOULD KNOW." Then boomingly loud girls walk in and start facebook giggling. I'm sorry. Did you really get up at 7 AM to go on facebook with your bff? Get a hold of your life. The only reason it is okay to get up this early is if there is something pressing to accomplish. Clearly I write the rules of the universe everybody, and don't you forget it.

Response to ProfesoraZim

On April 20, 2009 Profesora Zim wrote:

Dear wiz - I have a problem. I have so much school work that I don't care anymore. I hate my job, school, and all I want to do is play with my children and family (including the dog). Did I go back to school too late in life? (and you are the only TRUE wiz in the world!)

ProfesoraZim,

First let me thank you for recognizing the authenticity of my nick name. Truly, I am the only Wiz. It sounds like you're in quite a bind! The use of hate was in your post multiple times. It sounds like you are spreading yourself too thin. On top of this, you're letting yourself forget what matters to you most, and why you went back to school in the first place. You probably went back because you love your job, and you want to keep it. It's just that you are stressed out, and it is hard to remember why you love what you do. All you can see are the bad qualities of your situation, which is understandable.

Every morning, just try to look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself why you're doing this. And if you love your job, remind yourself why you do. Never underestimate the impact that "me" time might have on your job, and quality of life overall. What is the point of writing papers half-assed, when you're too tightly wound to do your best? Don't neglect yourself, and make sure you give yourself even 10 minutes each day to do something you love to do that isn't about work. So that's 1. Remind yourself what you're working for, and 2. Don't feel guilty for having fun and de-stressing. Hope this helps!

Wiz

Hmmmm

You know what? I think it would be fun to have a Dear Abby type of blog. Problem is how do I get something like that established? How do I convince people that its worth their time submitting their problems to a stranger?? I guess the real question here has to do with my future career rather than the blog... But yeah. I'm just saying. It'd be fun.

@#$@#%

Can I just say something here? Of course I can. I spend a good portion of my life being annoyed by people who have their headphones up super loud in the library. Like so loud that it is completely audible to me what they are listening to. Or some people have big ass headphones that they hang around their neck (not even on their ears) to serve as mini speakers. And then, I actually saw this kid walking around WITH speakers on his backpack. WHAT.

So today I walk into the library to print something out quickly. And before I can even log onto my computer, this woman grabs my arm, who, I percieve to be a librarian. "You need to turn that down." She commands me with fire in her eyes. Fine you stupid bitch. I said in my head. Seriously? Am I 12? Don't talk to me like that. I am sorry that your husband now finds you unattractive, and that you ended up working in a university library. And that you have fire in your eyes. That is prob pretty painful to say the least. I'd be pissed too. But that doesn't mean you get to talk to me like my second grade teacher did. (Still have bad memories about her.) Where was mega bitch the day the guy with a speaker was wandering around? Where was she the day I had a 10 page paper to write and Mr. I love gospel just couldn't turn the Jesus-o-meter down a tad. HUH??? And I want to add in that this is a room that people talk in, a lot. It's like a group work room. Not a silent reading room. IT IS A NOISY ROOM.

I do accept that it's possible my headphones were too loud. But say it cordially next time, and DO NOT TOUCH MY ARM. hag.

Mornin!

I really don't have a thing to say right now. I am on my way to my 8 am and saw I hadn't written in some time and thought... hmmm I will write something. But now I am just freaking myself out because I haven't brushed my teeth yet and I am still not wearing shoes and I have to leave in 3 minutes. Yeah I guess that is where this ends.

Hmm.. Spring Break

Spring Break is the bane of my existence for more reasons than one. I am too poor to go on cool trips. And for some reason Penn State missed the boat and made it the week after everyone elses.. so everyone else is too busy having a real life to cater to my boredom.

It's the calm after the storm. For some reason, every week right before Spring Break, my teachers say "oh crap we're behind" and force us to do more than humanly possible. Hey how about spacing it out before Spring Break...? Just a thought.

Spring break is the time that I quit coffee. Yes, I do get a massive headache if I skip my usual morning cup of coffee. I tried this detoxing process yesterday. It resulted in me sitting in my house, miserable, watching the people's court. Quitting a caffeine addiction + not having cable = misery. Just fyi for any of you that feel like giving that one a try.

It's not even spring. I am so cold right now.

That is all.

Think I'll roast some hot dogs over the flame of my BURNOUT

Upon arriving back from DC on Saturday night, I have been living at the library. Yes literally. I pitched a tent and lit the trashcan on fire and roasted some hot dogs. Well, minus the tent. and the trashcan. and the fire. and the library. Okay so I ate a lot of hot dogs this week and that's pretty much it. BUT SERIOUSLY. I CANt STUDY ANYMORE. have you ever seen me use this many caps??? I have been studying and writing papers nonstop since Sunday. Somethin's gotta give. I can't live LIKE this. This is not living at all. It sure as HAAALLEEEE does not help that two teachers stood me up at their office hours. They both had to "step out unavoidably." Suuurreeeeeyadid. aholes. I'm just kidding, I am sure they were telling the truth. They're still aholes. You know why? Because they were not considering number one... aka... ME. What they should have done was come to my apartment and serve me the test answers on a silver platter. WORSTTEACHERSEVER. Pretty sure I have carpul tunnel. At the very least I will probably get it later in life because of all the typing I have done this week. I feel like I am gonna go to the Doc when I am 50. They'll be like
"welll ma'am... did you do...a lot of...typing? When you were 20?"
" DAMNIT."
" And did you eat a lot of hot dogs? "
"Wait a minute how'd you know that??"
"Well I've read your blog daily for 30 years. And memorized it. And hung it all over my bedroom, using your words as wallpaper. Sweet sweet wallpaper words. yeaass. i carry an extra stack in my pocket here see. sometimes when i feel blue i just kind of smell it. and rub it on my arm pits."

clearly my response to stress is creating fictional creepsters. i do this a lot actually. usually in conversations with other people. its even more awkward then than it is now.
but weirdos are always HILARIOUSESSPECIALLYTHEGAYSZYEAHMAKEFUNOFPEOPLE THATARENTLIKEYOUEVERYBODY

so let this be a lesson to you all. show up to yourGODAMNDOFFICEHOURS.

I can't do this

I am trying so very hard to actually write one of six papers due in the next 48 hours. Oh snap. Checked my email. Make that seven (can they DO that??). This weekend kind of sucked on about three different dimensions too. I am pretty sure I was in the last place I was meant to be this weekend. I felt like I was being drawn to three locations of PA while remaining in the purgatory of the US... WASHINGTON DC aka betweensville, aka neither virginia nor maryland, aka law maker landsville, aka capital hill.. aka boredomsville if you are not 21. Now that I think about it, most places are like that. It's moments like this that I have the chance to realize how truly strange I feel. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong time period.

Then again if I had been 20 in 1950 I could have had the chance to enjoy not being an alcoholic while not being a jesus freak too. I would have been that qwirky one that never landed a man.. the girl that always made the other girls say "Oh my good ness. You did what?!" and they'd say things like "oh Betsy" (because that would be my nickname in 1950.. not liz.. thats the nickname of a girl in a brothel!! (we'd use that word too). but all the boys would think I wasn't feminine enough because i would have opinions and insist it wasn't my problem if they thought about girls naked if they showed their ankles.

And 1970 just wouldn't do either. I'd fit in with the free spirits and the revolutions and the let's change the world!! ness, and the wearing of dirty clothes and being cheap and simple. But then they'd start talking of free love and free acid trips and I would be like woa woa woa wooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. WOA. My woman parts are not free and I am not going on the "it's a small world" ride from disney world ever again. Not to mention the fact that you guys have been sleeping around and not bathing for a solid month. Can you say aids? They'd be like whats aids. I'd be like.. nevermind, this isn't the right time period at all. No one knows what aids is and they keep trying to give it to me for FREE. cuz if im gonna have me some aids it won't be the free kind. i never settle for less. you groovy BITCHES

And then 1990 would have sucked because their clothes were mega ugly.

And now doesn't work because college kids are selfish alcoholics that can't have fun unless they don't remember having any.


soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo that leaves me with no solution other than to write my papers.