If I turn into another, dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me

My mom always says "Seems like it's either Christmas or July," and I feel that more than ever these days. I can't believe college is about 3/4 over for me. It hasn't quite been all people claimed it to be.. not yet anyway. But at least I met the best friend I may ever have in this world in college. I'd say that counts for something. My God time is racing by. I guess I am writing this because I assume that everyone else ignores this network as much as I do. So it's one of those, 'I hope no ones looking, but if they are I'll pretend I don't notice because I secretly hope they are looking' deals. I have been thinking a lot about the people that have come and gone into my life lately. Some I wish I had given more of a chance to, others I wish I hadn't been so forgiving..

I guess when you don't lie to people, or if you're really just bad at lying and you gave up on trying a long time ago (case and point.. me) you're all the more taken aback when someone lies to you. It's like wait a minute.. you can't do that. Like it's not possible! And then you're not sure whether to be angry or just impressed. Especially when it's someone you've spent a good amount of time caring about. So I guess... while I may struggle with the answer as to whether or not I am hard on myself, or just other people, the question still lingers. When do you decide you've had enough? How do you decide that someone takes more than they give? When do you draw the conclusion that they are not worth it?

I hate that. How could anyone not be worth it? "There is no one you cannot love once you have heard their life story.." Is this true? I guess it is not so much whether or not you have heard their life story... but whether or not they have heard their own life story. Or if they have heard the life story of other people. Some people bring more than just themselves to a relationship.. and it is pounds and pounds of baggage. The cruddiest crap of life all in one sack. I think those people that are not worth it are the ones that decide they are victims to their shitty situation. They decide the world owes them something for the pain they've endured and therefore uses those that give them a chance as a punching bag. The decide they're the only ones that know pain.

However, those that refuse to believe they are conquered, and do not spit in the face of their previous self carry on. They are resilient. They give themselves a chance, so why shouldn't we follow suit?